Today, I will discuss how I struggle with coincidence due to my paranoid schizophrenia. Often, as part of a paranoid episode, a train of thought can start with an understandable and realistic reaction. However, it may begin to go astray if similar circumstances reoccur, establishing what may feel like a pattern but may just be a coincidence. The coincidence battle is nasty when I am having a schizophrenic episode, and it may be uncomfortable even when I am managing my schizophrenia symptoms well. I describe incidents such as this for the character Sarah, who narrates my fiction novel “The Overlife, A Tale Of Schizophrenia,” by Diana Dirkby (my pen name).
At the moment, I am managing my schizophrenia symptoms well. However, an example of: “Is it a coincidence or is it a plot against me?” occurred recently. At the end of January of this year, I was the genuine victim of fraud as the firm through which the scam operated verified. I could not recover my lost money, but it wasn’t a lot anyway. I was another fraud victim in May of this year through a different firm. Again, the firm through which the scam operated agreed. This time, the firm refunded me all the money I had lost to the scam. You may think that the occurrence of two scams in close succession in my life made me feel disproportionately victimized. I did have a short episode of paranoia, but not for that reason. I know scams are ubiquitous at the moment, and to fall victim to two of them was also my fault for being gullible and sloppy. By contrast, paranoia went through me like a knife because one of the scammers who spoke to me over the phone at the end of January sounded precisely like one of the people trying to help me with the May scam. His attitude even felt the same. A few people are out to get me, for sure, I felt, but not in terms of anything broader than several persons.
I knew the danger of a wider paranoia creeping in and stopped. I rested and distracted myself with things I like to do until I felt better. The remaining people I spoke with about the May scam were extremely kind. The firm returned my lost money. By then, I was over the threat of my paranoid moment ballooning.
In my case, it isn’t only the coincidence of bad events in my life that gives rise to paranoia, as I describe in my book “The Overlife.” Sometimes, a psychotic break follows things that are “too good,” with many happy coincidences to back them up. For example, I may suddenly feel I am essential politically due to the attention I get on social media when I post an opinion. Then, on social media, I feel many people may be supported by my new place of importance. For this reason, I use social media lightly compared to many other people, which works much better for me and helps to avoid runaway thoughts going down the wrong track. Also, I avoid violent topics, like politics.
Sometimes, you simply cannot run away from coincidences, which may merely arise as the patterns of repetition we all face in our lives and when we interact with others. Dealing with coincidences when you live with paranoid schizophrenia is a work always in progress. My advice is to try to keep things low-key, even when they are important to you. Slow and steady wins the race, and you can pace your life so that false coincidences are left to suffocate because you don’t give them air.