Hello! Today, I want to talk about living with paranoid schizophrenia and CPTSD. Living with schizophrenia, as did my mother, inspired me to write my novel “The Overlife: A Tale Of Schizophrenia.” Trauma from my childhood has left me with CPTSD. My CPTSD helped to motivate the writing of my novel “Three Kidnapped, Three Siblings, Three Furies.” I have spoken a lot about my schizophrenia in my Blog and during my first Podcast series, “Schizophrenia As I Live It.” Here, to refresh, let me summarize key features of paranoid schizophrenia:
Key Features of Paranoid Schizophrenia
Paranoia: A pervasive suspicion and distrust, often believing others are trying to harm them.
Delusions: False beliefs that are firmly held despite evidence to the contrary, often involving themes of persecution, grandiosity, or jealousy.
Hallucinations: Sensory experiences that seem real but are not, most commonly auditory hallucinations like hearing voices. I, myself, also have visual hallucinations during a relapse.
Cognitive Functioning: Individuals with paranoid schizophrenia generally maintain relatively normal cognitive abilities and emotional responses compared to other types of schizophrenia. Delusions and hallucinations are the most prominent symptoms. While this may be generally true, my cognitive functioning takes a hit during a relapse.
This summary is rough in that people with schizophrenia may experience some symptoms more than others. Not all these symptoms occur at once.
In the concluding notes (Episode Description) of this post, I will remind you of E. Fuller Torrey’s outstanding reference on schizophrenia.
What is CPTSD?
What is CPTSD? It stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. CPTSD is a mental health condition that develops after experiencing prolonged or repeated trauma, often involving abuse or neglect.
Therefore, it relates to my childhood experiences, as I discussed in my previous blog post, “Sibling Abuse and the Greek Myths.” I suffered abuse as a child, including sibling abuse.
It’s closely related to PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is typically associated with a single traumatic event or several traumatic events over a shorter period. In contrast, CPTSD is often associated with chronic or ongoing trauma such as child abuse, as already mentioned. It can also be due to domestic violence.
What are the some of the symptoms of CPTSD?
Like the case of schizophrenia, the way CPTSD reveals itself varies from person to person. Here is a list of well-recognized symptoms:
Irregular emotions: Difficulty managing emotions, including intense mood swings, difficulty controlling anger, and feeling overwhelmed by emotions.
Negative self-perception: Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, and a negative view of oneself.
Relationship difficulties: Challenges in forming and maintaining healthy relationships due to trust issues, difficulty with intimacy, and fear of abandonment.
Dissociation: Feeling detached from oneself, one’s body, or the world around them.
Disturbances in self-organization: This symptom includes difficulties with emotional regulation, negative self-view, and interpersonal challenges.
As with the list of typical symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia, the above summary of the effects of CPTSD may not fit precisely with everyone with CPTSD. We are all different. That doesn’t necessarily make either the symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia or CPTSD less intense for one as opposed to another.
References I wrote
In my Blog, Podcast: Schizophrenia As I Live It, and my book The Overlife, I have shown at length how I live my schizophrenia. I’ve also shown how my mother lived hers most differently.
In my previous blog post from May 30, 2025, and my podcast episode from May 25, 2025, both entitled “Sibling Abuse and the Greek Myths,” I described some of the origins of my CPTSD.
What causes CPTSD?
What causes CPTSD? I’ll give some examples: childhood emotional neglect, witnessing frequent violence and abuse, growing up in poverty or unsafe living environments, frequent exposure to substance use in childhood, and growing up with a parent with a severe mental illness.
If you have been following my Blog and Podcasts, as well as what went into my two novels, “The Overlife” and “Three Siblings,” you’ll understand that I live with schizophrenia and CPTSD.
My experience of schizophrenia and CPTSD
What I want to convey today is that my schizophrenia and my CPTSD interact extremely strongly when I have a relapse of my schizophrenia. The CPTSD makes the symptoms of my schizophrenia much more challenging to handle.
What do I mean by this messy mix? It’s best to provide examples. When I am sick with schizophrenia, I do feel persecuted. At its extreme, this symptom convinces me that everyone but my spouse wants me to commit suicide. That includes my brother (my mother and father are no longer alive).
The break
My wise spouse insisted twenty years ago that I completely break with my brother. This decision came after witnessing how he treated me, and after I received a CPTSD diagnosis from childhood experiences from a well-known doctor. Initially, I felt guilty about making the break, but now I recognize it as the right choice. By the way, my brother has gone on to be happy, wealthy, and has children and grandchildren.
From his perspective, he doesn’t want his children associated with me because of my schizophrenia. My brother and his wife indulge in all the common stigmas. This is despite my brother growing up with a mother he loved who lived with schizophrenia.
Despite this solution to keep my brother and me apart, he is still present when I am ill with schizophrenia and not stabilized. This condition can arise due to stress or the need to adjust my medication dosage.
I feel that I am being persecuted, and I believe, despite the break with him, that my brother is one of the main people judging my past. I fear he agrees that I should be put to death.
Even though my father is no longer alive, his violent episodes with me in my childhood come to mind when my schizophrenia is relapsing. During relapses, I am afraid of him as if he were still able to hurt me.
Despite my extreme fear of schizophrenia with CPTSD, I am never violent. Now, I understand that this is a concern for me and my doctors. My spouse is always supportive, which helps enormously.
I have only given a few examples of what happens when my schizophrenia and CPTSD combine.
Hard to talk about
I feel it’s enough for today. In particular, I find it hard to talk and write about these subjects. That’s why I have an excellent psychologist and an equally excellent psychiatrist.
I am fortunate that I at least have a diagnosis. Others live with the side effects of schizophrenia and CPTSD without knowing why. It’s my role to be frank about my life so others can see that my confessions do not harm me or anyone else. They may lead to much-needed solutions for people suffering from mental health problems.
Thank you for reading. Below are some of my Amazon Affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. I use the hashtags #ad #commissionsearned to signify the same thing.
Here are some references:
Surviving Schizophrenia by E. Fuller Torrey: visit https://amzn.to/4kFASLF #ad #commissionsearned
The Overlife: A Tale Of Schizophrenia by Diana Dirkby https://amzn.to/3Z6fNBP #ad #commissionsearned
Three Kidnapped, Three Siblings, Three Furies https://amzn.to/3SXTbzR #ad #commissions earned
The recommendations I give in my April 1, 2025, Blog Post “April and Abuse Prevention, see https://dianadirkbywrites.com/april-and-abuse-prevention/
Hashtags: #SameHere #NotMyShame #CSA #SiblingsToo #schizophrenia #CPTSD #siblingabuse #childsexualabuse
Here are my website and social media credentials:
Website: https://www.dianadirkbywrites.com
Instagram: @dianadirkby_writings (https://www.instagram.com/dianadirkby_writings/)
Facebook Page: Diana Dirkby Writings (https://www.facebook.com/DianaDirkbyAuthor)
X-account: @dianadirkby (https://x.com/DianaDirkby)
YouTube channel @Diana DirkbyWrites (https://www.youtube.com/@DianaDirkbyWrites)