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This Blog is about schizophrenia and identity, what could be called schizophrenia identity disorder. However, one should contrast schizophrenia with a dissociative identity disorder as they are not the same mental illness.
As I have shared with you, my debut fiction novel, about a mother and daughter both living with schizophrenia, has now been published and is entitled “The Overlife, A Tale Of Schizophrenia.” It is available from amazon.com and other leading booksellers. It is also available as a Kindle and an audiobook on the Audible app, for example. My second fiction novel, “Three Kidnapped, Three Siblings, Three Furies,” will appear soon, promising an exploration of sibling abuse set in the thriller/horror genre, with a twist involving the Greek Myths. My third fiction novel will invite readers to reflect on the concept of “self.”
The concept of “self” is highly complex for those living with a severe mental illness, like, as I do, paranoid schizophrenia. A relapse of paranoid schizophrenia, or the schizophrenia symptoms that can occur daily, involves auditory and visual hallucinations that the consumer of mental health struggles to control. Part of that fight forces you to disbelieve the information you receive from the basic senses you use to operate as a functioning human being. Your caregiver or others in your circle of trusted friends and relatives, usually with good intentions, pressure you to change to become healthier by negating part of what seems natural to you.
The danger is to throw the baby out with the bath water.
I am a veteran of multiple relapses of paranoid schizophrenia. Such relapses are often called psychotic breaks, as the symptoms usually include psychosis. Psychosis refers to a collection of symptoms that affect the mind, where there has been some loss of contact with reality. During an episode of psychosis, a person’s thoughts and perceptions may be disrupted, and they may have difficulty recognizing what is real and what is not. I have discussed aspects of psychosis in my Blogs on auditory and visual hallucinations.
As scary as the symptoms of schizophrenia may be for those who observe them, they are far more terrifying for those who endure them, even if they suffer from anosognosia, a neurological condition in which the patient is unaware of their neurological deficit or psychiatric condition. As we discussed in our Blog on the LEAP method, the first priority for someone undergoing psychosis is to get the treatment that will help them control schizophrenia symptoms.
Observers often overlook that, despite the crisis of a relapse, there is still a person who exists independently of their symptoms. Even those close to a consumer of mental health can make this misjudgment. When undergoing a struggle with mental health, there is a parallel struggle to preserve a sense of self that is at the core of identity. Those parts of the mental health consumer that have nothing to do with their illness are often ignored by those who care for them and are under attack from the symptoms they are trying to control.
Although I am not diagnosed with D.I.D. (Dissociative Identity Disorder), what used to be called multiple personalities, a mental illness distinct from schizophrenia, my psychiatric symptoms can lead, at their worst, to me feeling “outside my body and in someone else’s,” though that person is always fictitious. I don’t believe I am important in such circumstances; I just hide inside someone else to escape the symptoms. It is more like a mind game than a total switch to another identity, like with D.I.D. What I am looking for in such mental journeys is not another identity. I am defending my real one. To further hold on to my true self, it is vital to cultivate my interest in the activities and people I love and to do so to a greater extent than I would normally. I love my spouse, a terrific caregiver, and spend more time with him than usual. I love nature, music, and films, and I prioritize those activities above what I have to get done, like shopping or paying bills, leaving some tasks for my husband to do that I would typically do.
Most importantly, even amid my worst relapses, some strong sense of my authentic self fights back, and I need people to talk to me about my interests and passions, the ones they know I have. As important as controlling the symptoms is, if contact with people is all about my mental health, that is self-defeating.
Every consumer of mental health is much more than their diagnosis.